Cleaner
by Just Another Soul
Summary: Some hapless men seek the help of Sawyer the Cleaner. She thought it was just going to be another disposal job... except for one minor detail. One-shot.


**Cleaner**

Disclaimer: Black Lagoon and its characters © Rei Hiroe

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A beaten up sedan approached the U.G Pork meatpacking plant. The car came to a slow halt on the gravel, the brakes screeching lightly. Two Caucasian men exited the vehicle, walking to the back of the car and taking a stuffed black garbage bag out of the trunk. The taller of the two, a brawny man with a buzz cut wearing a white shirt and stained jeans, threw the bag over his shoulder. The smaller and scrawnier of the two, a man with stringy brown hair reaching the tops of his shoulders and a gaudy orange business suit, closed the trunk. They took a moment to look at the plant.

The moon hung above, outlining the abattoir. The grim building had an aura like that of a haunted house, which wouldn't be all too surprising when they considered just what type of... _business_ that slaughterhouse was used for.

"Creepy," said the scrawny one.

"Yeah," replied the brawny one simply.

"What a weird location for a cleaner. I heard this place was kind of scary, but I didn't exactly expect it to look like this," said the scrawny man, nervously adjusting his green tie and pulling the collar of his shirt. All the scenery really needed was a flash of lightning and a view overlooking a cemetery.

"Must be the moon or something. A lot of stuff usually looks creepier at night," said the brawny one toughly.

"Yeah, yeah... You're probably right. It's just a visual thing."

A sudden gust of wind blew behind them with a howl, causing both of the men to jump. The brawny man squealed while his partner gave him a disturbed glance.

"What the hell was that?"

"Shut up! It was a reflex," said the brawny one defensively, composing himself as he decided to sling the stuffed garbage bag across his other shoulder.

"You know, we could turn back," said the scrawny one, not buying his friend's tough act. "I'm sure there are other cleaners that will take this job."

"But those cleaners aren't as good as this one," said the brawny man. "Everyone around town says if you want the job done right, you go to see Sawyer, and we want the job done right."

His friend couldn't argue with that. Taking a deep breath, they stepped forward.

Their fear clouded the short time between their first steps and the time they came to the clear realization they were inside the slaughterhouse. The dim yellow lights lit a concrete path toward an alcove in the plant. They tried to ignore the slaughtering machinery and dangling iron hooks in the building.

"You remember when we were kids and everyone would tell that story about those children that went up on that spooky old house on the hill and never came back out?" asked the scrawny man nervously.

"What's that gotta do with us?" said the brawny man in denial.

"... Nothing," replied the scrawny one, assisting his friend in keeping up the fearless facade.

Upon approaching a narrow hallway with several boxes scattered about against the walls, they saw a closed door with tiny lines of light leaking out of the edges. With a shockingly steady hand, the scrawny one reached up and knocked on the door.

After a few seconds of shuffling on the other side of the door, it opened by a head's width, an apparition wearing a surgical mask and goggles poking into view.

It was the scrawny man's turn to squeal like a girl.

"Forgive him. He scares easy," said the brawny man, earning a dirty look from his buddy.

"I wasn't scared."

"Whatever, man. So, you're Sawyer, right?"

The masked person gave a single nod in affirmation. Taking note of the earlier reaction of the gentleman in that awful orange suit, Sawyer decided not to open the door any wider, hiding the dismembered bodies from view. She wasn't in the mood to mop up a puddle of urine later.

The two men gave Sawyer a questioning look. What an odd uniform for a cleaner.

"So, uh, yeah. We got something we want you to clean up. Y'see..." The brawny man gestured to the garbage bag he held. "There was this party in my apartment. People got wasted, the hooker showed up, crazy shit went down. Long story short, she died."

This earned no reaction from Sawyer the Cleaner. It wasn't the first time she had heard that story.

"Y'see, I _really_ need you to be thorough about this," continued the brawny man. "My girlfriend doesn't know I ordered a hooker for the party and if she finds out about it, I'm dead."

More business for me, Sawyer thought.

"We'll pay you up front," said the scrawny man. "All we want is that you clean up good and erase all the evidence so my friend doesn't get in trouble."

Sawyer nodded. A simple task. She reached out with a gloved hand and curled her fingers inward, asking for the garbage bag.

"Oh, yeah. Speaking of that," the brawny man said. He placed the garbage bag on the ground and opened it up. Sawyer's eyes widened behind the concealing goggles and the hand that gripped the knob tightened to the point of almost ripping it off the door when she saw what the man pulled out.

"Can you get these bed sheets back to me in the next two days? It'd be kind of hard for me to explain to my girlfriend why they're missing when she gets back."

- 0 - 0 - 0 -

Shenhua was in hysterics as she bent over and banged her hand on the kitchen table.

"They think you _that_ kind of cleaner? Aiya, so horrible! You big name in Roanapur long time and mistake like that be made? Poor you..." The Taiwanese woman did her best to stifle her laughter for her friend's sake, but she quickly broke out into another fit.

Sawyer sat across from her. The small gothic woman crossed her arms, pouting in frustration.

"**It's not... funny... Shenhua...**"

**THE END**


End file.
